And so it is…

So here we are, just over a year, 13,500 tweets and about 350 followers later… and it is time for me to call it a day…

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting when I joined Twitter and to be honest I can’t even remember why I did. I think it was mainly as a smaller venting area for my blog ideas, which I was finding myself forgetting as they came quite frequently and often when I wasn’t in a position to record my ramblings. I never thought it would become anything other than a holding pen for future blog rants and I definitely never thought it would come to the point where I needed to write this…

I have never smoked. I have never done drugs. Apart from Dr Pepper and CSI I have zero inclinations in my life towards any addictions. That was until Twitter came along…

http://twitter.com/#!/notthatgirl24/status/110809473815293952

Twitter has taken over my life. It has its spiny tentacles firmly stuck in every part of my day. To say that is a “Social Network”, it has actually turned me into a borderline recluse. I work in a huge open office with a lot of people who I can learn a lot from but I’m the quiet guy sat in the corner trying to make sure the boss doesn’t recognise the black/grey columns of Tweetdeck.

http://twitter.com/#!/Lolly_King/status/110798399049187328

Even at home I’m sat on the couch staring at the TV and watching utter shite just to tweet about it. And if I’m not I’m sat in front of the computer waiting for a column to shift down with something else benile to comment on. Any kind of domestic conversation is often littered with replies consisting of me looking up from my phone with a “uh what?… sorry, I uh…”

http://twitter.com/#!/jannism/status/110802322405339136

Even what should be nice outings are often ruined when I stop a conversation mid-sentence to take a picture of an inanimate object that looks like it has a face or something equally as quirky that I think “you guys” will like.

http://twitter.com/#!/JDIrwin/status/110803694735470592

I often lay in bed in an insomnic stupor waiting to see if someone has fav’d or RT’d what I thought was a funny tweet…

http://twitter.com/#!/StuartMc1/status/112606928164749313

Fortunately I have a partner who is busy with a very full-time job as well as studying to finish a Master’s degree, which affords my hands some alone time to sit and tweet to my heart’s content but its come to the point where it has taken over everything.

http://twitter.com/#!/AshleyIbbotson2/status/110802482761957376

I have few friends, I rarely speak to my family but more importantly to me, although you have been a more than receptive and responsive audience for the vitriol that spills from my fingers, I forgot that I already had a perfectly good audience sat next to me on the couch at home.

http://twitter.com/#!/colo_colo_colo/status/110810120656650240

I don’t want this to take away from the absolute jizz-inducing howl I’ve had over the last year. You guys are like teachers, therapists, stand-up comedians, friends, students and eye candy all rolled into one polly-pocket sized package AND for free! I have laughed, laughed so hard I dislocated two ribs, laughed harder again, cried and got a semi more times than I can recall.

http://twitter.com/#!/OpheliaBackside/status/111021087285977088

I have gone out of my way for people I will never meet. I’ve consoled people whose problems i will never understand. I’ve been offered free Arsenal tickets from a complete stranger (thanks @TheLadyQ10). I’ve laughed with effin SPURS FANS for cripe’s sake! The difficulty in closing up shop has been further compounded with the over-whelming response I received when I ”handed in my notice” on Monday night and throughout #BonesAndMoansLeavingWeek.

http://twitter.com/#!/FutileRage/status/111023732302163968

I want to thank you all for the amazing time I’ve had on Twitter. I never thought something as simple as what is basically an organised 1990s chat-room would be so infectious (in the good way, not the first year at uni kind of way) as well as heart-warming and inspiring. Below are a number of special mentions I want to make that won’t fit in 140 characters…

@ajdevenish I used to be Ant’s boss when I used to work in hotels, and he is now a social media guru who has moved to that Big Smoke to continue doing what he does best. Not only was he my first follower that wasn’t an egg or a girl in a bikini, he is also the reason a lot of you started following me. Thanks mate.

@BroomOwl Andy was my first follower that I didn’t know in real life (but now do). you couldn’t wish for a more honest, down-to-earth and “normal” person to fill your timeline with.

@LianneMarieB is another one of my first followers and taught me that absolutely everything goes with toast… oh, and never mess with her office tea-cup or so help you god.

@Origami_Owl Paul is an artist of many a talent and has a knack for making you realise you could do something that you thought you couldn’t, whether it be a play-on-words, a caption competition or making an origami Mandarin duck look like Herbie.

@FutileRage who should have the saying “swearing like a trooper” renamed and reclassified in his image. The guy takes describing real-life people to a level so high you’ll find yourself calling your cat a “Bumwimpering Shitwing” when it does something it shouldn’t… and I don’t even know his real name.

A special two-for-one mention for @TheGrammarNymph and @DrinkMeForFree. I can’t remember where they came from but they brighten up even the dreariest of days. And they heart me for some reason… and I have never figured out why. I don’t know their real names either.

@Fluppity who is going through more than you can imagine, and yet on a daily basis, you would never know. A real inspiration of strength, and I don’t know her real name.

@CaptainGrammar Bry is the true definition of a “real” fan. Dear Lord, please save Josh Groban should she ever get to meet him.

@FuriousGerbil Despite it being mostly sausages, wine, sausages & wine or kicking the neighbour’s bin over it’s still amusing every day. I don’t know his real name.

@Colo_Colo_Colo you may remember Matt as @JakesBakesCakes but no matter what username he goes by, if there was a war to be fought with wordplay and punnery, he would be the Field Marshall.

@Elphindore who has gone under a number of usernames but always seems to find her way back. Amazing mother to what seems like a thousand kids and still finds time to tweet. I don’t know her real name.

The Four Horseladys of the Apocalypse… @Donna_Gallers, @JulieRemarks, @Lolly_King and @JDIrwin. When the Armageddon happens, they’ll be the first to make a joke or write a kids book about it.

@MooseAllain needs no introduction or even this mention. A gentleman artist of the highest calibre.

I know I have missed people who I really should have remembered or people who you think should have got a mention but these are the people who have had a direct influence on me and made my time on twitter what is was.

http://twitter.com/#!/KATWOODS/status/112163345511096321

This has been a very surreal experience. When I shut down my Facebook account in a few weeks, I will have absolutely no qualms in clicking the “deactivate” button without a second thought for the people who have called me friends for most of their lives, yet I know full well that I will be sat in front of the computer for a good few hours with the mouse hovering over the “close account” button, wondering if I really want to lose all these nameless, faceless people from my imaginary life…

But it has to be done, and on that note I bid you Adieu… thank you all for letting me into your lives and taking some of my life into yours… its been FUCKING AWESOME! Anyone wanting to get in touch can email me at iangoodin@hotmail.co.uk

And don’t forget… if you love it… put a ring on it… if you don’t… put a rubber on it…

And now to play me out… Mr Ryan Adams, with a song that reminds me of the Twitter…

“Where do you go when you’re lonely? Where do you go when you’re blue? Where do you go when you’re lonely… I’ll follow you…”

Goodnight folks…